I WANT MY KIDNEY BACK

Pastor Ronnie's note: I posted this blog on my Pastor's and Leaders blog site. It is set up to help encourage those who serve in the local church. After posting, I decided to also place it here. It may not apply to all of you, but I hope you will enjoy it. It will give you some perspective of those who serve as your pastors. My wife tells me that I am sometimes too personal, and too transparent in my blogs. I realize she is right, but I feel I need to be real with you. I welcome and encourage any and all feedback, positive or negative.

Here's today's blog:

Making the headlines in news is a story of a surgeon in New York who is embattled in a bitter divorce. He is seeking 1.5 million dollars from his estranged wife, or if she chooses, can give him his kidney back. He had donated her a kidney prior to the marriage failure.

This certainly goes into the account of "weird news." As I was watching the story this morning on TV, my mind raced back to all those times I have put my life on the line for someone who later betrayed me. Like the bitter husband in the story, I have wanted to strike back, and to get even. After all I had done, how could they treat me this way?

If you have ever led a church, you undoubtedly have experienced the pain of rejection. For that matter, anyone who has ever lived at some point, will. The ones which hurt the most and last the longest are the ones where the relationships were the closest. Through the years of ministry, Trish (my wife) and I have been privileged to shepherd over some of the greatest people in all the world. To those people we have given our all. We have given them more than a kidney, we have given them our heart.

When those people leave you, it hurts like crazy. I am not sure how the well trained and big boys do it, but in small town USA, our church is small enough to know everyone. We are like family. And we get attached. You cry, you search yourself to see what you have done or could have done differently, and you begin to blame yourself. You also go into isolation. You refuse to get close to anyone again.

Then, if you're not careful, you will become cynical and bitter. You will distance yourself from developing intimate relationships. After all, who can you trust? And when you see your "ex" members out on the street, you will secretly be filled with anger. You want your kidney back.

I don't know, but I suspect Trish and I are not the only ones who have been involved in ministry that have gone through these type situations. I can tell you that the grace of God has given us strength to forgive, forget, and move on. He has healed our hearts and taught us to trust again. And to continue to love. Yeah, we'll get hurt again. We'll give our kidney to someone who will later betray our love to them. But that is life. You gotta let go, let people have the freedom to leave, and not become your enemies.

Let me know if this has helped you, or if you have any thoughts concerning this blog.