Sitting here at 11:15 PM, my mind is racing. I am praying and trying to keep myself together. After all, I am a man. A man is supposed to be strong. But some things weigh upon me. I can't lay down and sleep just yet.
My wife always turns in earlier than I. She will go to bed, sometimes sit and read her bible or a good book for a little while, and then turn in. I always go in before I think she has finished her reading to get me a goodnight kiss before she goes to sleep. Tonight I went in, and the nightlight was already off. She wasn't reading. She was praying. Praying and crying.
She had a phone call earlier in the day. It was from my daughter. I could tell from Trish's voice and the tone of the conversation that it wasn't good. Our daughter is battling deep depression. You see, she cries at night, too. Tina cries because her husband recently passed away. A marriage of 5 years with a husband that fought terminal cancer 4 of those years. On their one year wedding anniversary, the diagnosis of lymphoma cancer was discovered. The last year's struggle had been hell for the both of them. Now Tina is battling an enemy herself. One of self will, or self esteem, of loneliness. And at night she cries.
My wife, Trish, cried as she talked with Tina on the phone. And so when I went to the bedroom and saw her crying, I knew. The day's struggles were on her heart. Trish is also battling. Sinus problems for the last couple of weeks, and high blood pressure. I know she is under the strain of serving in a local church with great people, but not enough funds. Overseeing a daycare that is a great community outreach, but struggles itself with parents who don't pay-- adding more pressure on us. So, whether it was her physical pain, the burden for our people and family, or just stress, I am not sure. It was probably all three. She keeps it from me. Doesn't want me to see. She holds them back. But when she goes to bed at night she cries.
Across the road from my house is the my mom's house. Mom is now in her mid seventies. Dad passed away this past spring. They married in their teens, as did Trish and I. It was a different generation. Daddy did everything for mom. She didn't even know how to pump gas or work the remote. Mom is doing well, at times. As is Tina. But, like her, she is lonely. And, although she doesn't tell me, I know.
At night, she cries.
And when I think about my mom crying, my daughter crying, and my wife crying-- I do, too.
Not sure why I am writing this. I get too transparent and too personal at times, and most don't want to read these things anyway. So I may pull this at any time. If you happen to read it through, please don't judge us. These ladies are going to be alright. They have a strong faith, and a mighty God.
But sometimes they cry.
My wife always turns in earlier than I. She will go to bed, sometimes sit and read her bible or a good book for a little while, and then turn in. I always go in before I think she has finished her reading to get me a goodnight kiss before she goes to sleep. Tonight I went in, and the nightlight was already off. She wasn't reading. She was praying. Praying and crying.
She had a phone call earlier in the day. It was from my daughter. I could tell from Trish's voice and the tone of the conversation that it wasn't good. Our daughter is battling deep depression. You see, she cries at night, too. Tina cries because her husband recently passed away. A marriage of 5 years with a husband that fought terminal cancer 4 of those years. On their one year wedding anniversary, the diagnosis of lymphoma cancer was discovered. The last year's struggle had been hell for the both of them. Now Tina is battling an enemy herself. One of self will, or self esteem, of loneliness. And at night she cries.
My wife, Trish, cried as she talked with Tina on the phone. And so when I went to the bedroom and saw her crying, I knew. The day's struggles were on her heart. Trish is also battling. Sinus problems for the last couple of weeks, and high blood pressure. I know she is under the strain of serving in a local church with great people, but not enough funds. Overseeing a daycare that is a great community outreach, but struggles itself with parents who don't pay-- adding more pressure on us. So, whether it was her physical pain, the burden for our people and family, or just stress, I am not sure. It was probably all three. She keeps it from me. Doesn't want me to see. She holds them back. But when she goes to bed at night she cries.
Across the road from my house is the my mom's house. Mom is now in her mid seventies. Dad passed away this past spring. They married in their teens, as did Trish and I. It was a different generation. Daddy did everything for mom. She didn't even know how to pump gas or work the remote. Mom is doing well, at times. As is Tina. But, like her, she is lonely. And, although she doesn't tell me, I know.
At night, she cries.
And when I think about my mom crying, my daughter crying, and my wife crying-- I do, too.
Not sure why I am writing this. I get too transparent and too personal at times, and most don't want to read these things anyway. So I may pull this at any time. If you happen to read it through, please don't judge us. These ladies are going to be alright. They have a strong faith, and a mighty God.
But sometimes they cry.
1 comment:
Judge you!! Pastor Ronnie it makes us love you more.
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