The last couple of weeks have been a blur. The passing of my father has been a tremendous blow to the family. Although the battle over cancer has been ongoing for a year, the abrupt end has been difficult to accept. I know dad was prepared to go and be with the Lord, and I know he is in a better place. But to a family who has just lost a loved one, sometimes those words can seem empty. Even though we know they are true, we want to hold onto our loved ones as long as we can.
I look up hill to the other side of the road to mom and dad's house. Although I am 55 and dad was 74, I still felt protected by him being there. Something about the security from a man that represented strength to me all my life. I know it doesn't make sense, but it is how I felt. I never saw my dad cry, except on rare moments in church when he was happy. That is, until a couple of weeks ago. Daddy would cry in pain. My dad, the strong one.. it was too much.
We buried him yesterday. He was my father, I was his son, his firstborn. He was not perfect, and neither was (or am) I. We had the father/son type fights over the years. But I loved my dad, and he loved me. Not only was I his son, I was his pastor. Daddy supported the church, and my ministry. I never took a missions trip, but dad would call me over and hand me some money. Or anything else for that matter.
The living have to move on. I am trying to get positive, to get myself prepared mentally and spiritually. I must help people, motivate people, stir people. There are requests for counseling, needs of people. I know I am called to do this. My brothers went back to work today in the family business, which my dad started. One of my sisters goes back to work in a day or two, the other one left going back to Alabama today. Mom will be in the house by herself, and will have to learn to work the remote on the TV, dad always did that. We will move on, we have to.
I will again preach, write positive blogs, encourage, stir. But with tears as I write, I want to say..
DAD, WE ARE MOVING ON, BUT WE WILL NEVER FORGET YOU!
1 comment:
Oh, I'm crying right now... such beauty in the midst of your pain. I have never met your father, but I look forward to meeting him in heaven; if he helped shape such a tremendous person as yourself, then he must have been quite a wonderful guy. Thank you for sharing your heart.
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