I have never taken up the sport of which many of my fellow pastors participate, that is golf. They tell me that playing a round or two of helps them to unwind. To them it is an enjoyable hobby. I remember a number of years ago going to the nearby course with a member of the church. He was sure that if I just went one time, I would be hooked. Yeah, "hooked" is what I got, alright. I hooked to the right, and hooked to the left. Couldn't seem to get the thing to go in the direction I wanted. I haven't been back since, and don't really care to.
But I would like to have a mulligan. A mulligan, in golf terms, is a do over. Its not to count the bad play that you just played. I need a do over, a mulligan... but not in golf.
Its been a tough summer for me. My dad passed away in spring, and my son in law last month. People see me and ask how I'm doing. I assure them I am doing great, fine. I smile. They ask me about my mom, how is she? How is Tina, my daughter? Mom is moving on, and Tina is readjusting. Life goes on. Dad would not want mom to grieve her years away, and neither would Michael with Tina. But grief is hard to understand, and difficult to describe, isn't it?
I was riding down the road in my car the other day. I was thinking about a subject I would be preaching on, and it was dealing with generational curses. I haven't preached the message yet, but I was thinking on dealing with issues in our lives that are sometimes passed on to us. And, for whatever reason, daddy came to my mind.
I am not deep into the generational curse thing as some, but I do believe there is some truth. I know that strongholds, traits, and even physical diseases are sometimes passed on. Both my grandfather and dad passed away after battling with colon cancer. So, as I was thinking about this, I thought about the call from dad....
THE CALL- It was probably 6 weeks or so before he would pass away. Of course, I had no way of knowing his passing would be so soon afterward. We had felt the doctors were helping him, and the doctor had even said the cancer was in remission.-- I got this call from daddy. He wanted me to come over. I walked across the road and over to mom and dad's house. When I sat down, daddy wanted to talk about something. It was something I have never addressed in the pulpit, nor in any of my blogs. I would never uncover my dad. But daddy wanted to apologize for his temper with me.
I was the firstborn, and I had it rougher than the others. When I was growing up, dad's temper was pretty bad, and I was the recipient of some harsh punishment. I have put all that in the past, and honestly, have always been ashamed to even think about it. I only mention it now in the hope that my honesty will help someone else. With tears in his eyes, dad asked me to forgive him. He said that his dad had treated him the same way, and he carried it on to me. I told dad that he did not need to ask me to forgive him. I tried to brush it off, not really wanting to talk about it.
I wish I had a mulligan. I wish I had opened up more.
Then, tonight, Trish and I were sitting here in the living room. She opened up an old account of emails. It is addresses we do not use anymore, but we still occasionally get some messages there. I did not know what was going on, but saw my wife crying as she sat across from me. It was an email from Michael. He was so young. He had so much in him. I had the feeling one day Michael would be in the ministry.
I wish I could talk to him again. I wish I had a mulligan for Michael.
I really don't know why I am sharing this rambling of mine. I just want to encourage you while there is time. If there is someone you want to talk to, do so. Cry with someone, forgive. Fellowship. Enjoy. Give them flowers while they are alive.
Yeah, we're still fighting, still hanging in there. God is good. He brings us through. We have the victory. But honestly, sometimes I would love to have a do over, just one more talk.
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